


Nostalgia

by Hanakoryu



Category: Servamp (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Comfort/Angst, M/M, Slice of Life, c3 arc, sorry for the angst and sad moments, yumi centric, yumi who doesn't know how to deal with his emotions and tsuru, yumitsuru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 07:10:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17524160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanakoryu/pseuds/Hanakoryu
Summary: Yumikage hasn't ever been a nostalgic type. His motto could be summed up as "the past is the past, just focus on the present now" even if he's never said it out loud -but his actions speak his own mind better than tongue does.[Fanfiction I started almost a year ago and that I decided to finish and post even if the C3's arc is coming to an end. Yumi-chan centric because this man needs love and a hint of YumiTsuru because yes]





	Nostalgia

Yumikage hasn't ever been a nostalgic type. His motto could be summed up as " _the past is the past, just focus on the present now_ " even if he's never said it out loud -but his actions speak his own mind better than tongue does.  
Naturally reminiscences of the past move him sometimes, a rare bright smile cracks his angered expression when thinking back of happy moments spent with his friends or when he sees a child cheerfully playing that reminded him of Takuto. If this ever happens, there's always someone registering the unexpected event, like Jun with his sarcastic remarks or Tsurugi acting the melodramatic role of a girl falling for Yumi's charm -before telling him he looks like a princess and running away the faster he can because the blonde's bubble of bliss has already blown up and he wants only to choke Tsurugi with his own words.  
  
_To be honest he doesn't get angry for real, it's just playing and living with persons he considers his true family._  
_It's just a sweet routine._  
  
There are several photographs in his little apartment, thin rays of sunshine that warm up what would be a lonely empty space. Yumikage is proud of how tidy his home is, there's only the necessary for surviving if you don't count the snacks for when Tsurugi and Jun come by, old women dresses his mother forces him to keep “ _In the name of old traditions!_ ” and some toys for Takuto.  
A touch of colour is given just by photos, notes and drawings (mostly from Takuto but you can spot even two or three from the elementary school days) hung everywhere. The happy faces in each one of them send him good vibes whenever his body feels like giving up, a laugh echoes spontaneously and he doesn't feel alone anymore because the best of his own life is here and it will be forever.  
  
_Yumikage Tsukimitsu is an energetic and caring type of person, despite the first impression. He likes seeing his friends smiling, so he fights to protect those precious sparkles, so rare in their dangerous and suffering lives. Everyone deserves better, that's what he believes in after all._  
_The three of them deserve better, don't they?_  
“ _So what... What am I supposed to do, now?”_  
  
Nonetheless, the least he expects, bad memories knock at the door of his heart; they sting like small unpleasant fists against the fragile barrier that keeps his self-control steady, he inhales one, two, three times in the attempt of holding on just once, but it's hard, blurred images come over one another, violence and thirst of destruction boil his blood up until he sees red - _no alarm, the magic is totally out of control, he can't hear it, he can't feel the seal breaking, it's over, it's too late, he can't, he can't before he knows it_ \- and a sad feeling of impotence invests him like a giant powerful wave. If only he did, if only he was stronger, if only he wasn't useless, if, if, if, words slap his face with inaudible strength and it takes him hours to regain his composure.  
  
_Regret will be always a heavy weight he will carry alone on his shoulders, so he doesn't need to remember how weak he's been. He feels guilty for putting Junichirou in danger when they were children because of his family name, for each time he wasted the great opportunity of getting rid of Touma once for all and free Tsurugi from that sick slavery, for not being there when Jun's wife died, for many other reasons he can't even count on the tips of his hands._  
_He won't repeat the same mistakes, or so Yumi promised to himself many many times._  
_But now, knowing the two persons he loves the most are fighting to death, the old regrets come back from the mist of the unconsciousness and drag him in front of choices he doesn't want to face. Desperation leaks out his clenched fists, he wants to save them both but he knows for sure there's Touma behind this hell so he should kill him first, but if meanwhile...?_  
_If, if, if._  
_The same indecision, that cost people's lives, is now taking his friends'._  
  
On his nightstand there's a paper airplane Tsurugi made when they were in elementary school.  
Yumikage remembers that day like it was yesterday, the tiny brown haired himself staring down with a brow raised at Tsurugi, who looked even smaller in clothes bigger than him. Jun was at home because of a bad cold and they were alone, spending lunch time together. Tsurugi has forgotten lunch as always so Yumi shared his own with a simple shrug; he didn't mind, because his friend was too slim and tiny for his age. “ _I still don't get how you can fight if you're as small as an insect, so shut up and eat._ ” It was all he said when Tsurugi, head bowed down, blurted out a barely audible flow of “ _I'm sorry..._ ” and “ _Thanks..._ ”.  
That day wouldn't be different if Tsurugi didn't show up with a paper airplane in his hands with the precise intention of giving it to Tsukimitsu. The blond boy blinked twice without knowing what to do, but before he could even ask the airplane was pushed in his hands by a rather embarrassed Tsurugi. “It's... it's a gift... because Yumi-chan shares always his lunch... with me.” The black haired child adverted the gaze, muffling a distinct sob with a spoon of rice. He was scared because it was the first time he made a gift and he had nothing, no money, no wonderful toys, nothing but just his disastrous existence, to give to his precious and kind friends. It wouldn't ever be enough to thank what Yumi and Jun did to make him feel loved and accepted, to be the most wonderful friends he's ever had in his life.  
Yumi perfectly remembers the light trembling of those little shoulders, those hands shaking while offering that paper airplane and the sensation of crushing Tsurugi in a hug is still there, it lingers over his palms and each caress to the crisp yellowed material, to each bend and sharp edge, is a caress to Tsurugi's bony body, he can feel his calm heartbeat under his touch, again and again until the ghost of the man surprises him and kindly whispers “ _Thanks for taking care of me, Yumi-chan. I love you_ ”...  
Only years later Tsukimitsu found out a small note expertedly inserted in a cranny where two pieces of paper bent.  
“ _I love you, Yumi-chan._ ” written with the most innocence meaning of an elementary school child.  
  
_Yumikage Tsukimitsu is the kind of man who doesn't like thinking too much. Actions are his thoughts, his whole body expresses perfectly what he feels, anger, sadness, happiness or fear better than the intricate labyrinth of human mind. Just like that, take it or not._  
_Years pass by but the lion never changes its spots._  
_So he does when he runs where his friends are supposed to fight, trembling from head to toes._  
_It's not anger, nor fear, nor hatred._  
_It's the nostalgia of the good and bad days, when they were all together and would stand for one another forever._  
  
Yumikage simply prefers keeping his memories clear and untouched by any hint of nostalgia or unbalanced feelings and days pass by with the intent of living in the most proudly way possible and protecting his dears.  
Jun said once he's probably afraid of missing important pieces of life, even the saddest ones. Truth be told his friend is a very nostalgic type, the one who shows off a bittersweet smile when talking of the past and whom eyes sweeten to the extent you think something may break within them and they burst into tears. Nonetheless Jun's never really cried in front of him and Tsurugi, despite the awareness his friends would stand by his side forever. Yumikage is almost grateful for this because he's bad at reassuring people, his arms awkwardly stretch for a hug and this is everything he can do; just a fistful of nothing, to his point of view. Feeling powerless increases his anger more than necessary, he cares and he feels too much, to the point he is unable to contain his emotions and then he's the one who needs to be reassured.  
  
" _Explosively overprotective._ "  
Hard to guess these words were huffed with a small smile by Tsurugi, in one of those nights as dark as the sins lingering unheeded in his heart. His voice is soft and warm against Yumi's lips, like a spell cast to hunt down the beast of his friend's rage. And it works for real, the man flicks his long blond hair off his back and a bothered sigh gets lost somewhere between Tsurugi's right shoulder blade and his hand stuffed in the black hair of his mate. Silence falls like a heavy blanket upon them, no sound is heard but the fast beating of their hearts pounding together -Yumikage's in the attempt of calming down the fury tickling every inch of his skin, Tsurugi's devoured by the guilt of worrying the blonde again due to his futile existence.  
“Fuck off, stupid forehead.” The blonde is the one who finally breaks the silence, the tone slightly annoyed but his arms are still tightly wrapped around Tsurugi, as if worried to see the other vanishing at any moment.  
Tsurugi lays still on top of Yumi, curled up like a child in their mother's hug, and he suffocates a laugh in the vanilla-scented shirt of the blonde. “But it's the truth! Yumi-chan, you explode like a volcano when you're worried about someone! You're really-really scary!” He presses the nose in the crook of Yumi's neck and waits, waits the other to slap his back for his words and to place then a kiss on his head. This is the warning he can move off Yumikage's hold, enough to lay besides him and let the blonde to do the same so they can finally stare at themselves in the eyes and cuddling a bit more. “It's your fault, I wouldn't snap if you weren't so careless.” Lips meet playfully, fingers intertwine and there's nothing more beautiful than drowning in the eyes of your lover.  
It angers Yumikage sometimes, when Tsurugi's eyes are full of sadness and despair and all his golden innocent irises whisper is a mere _sorry_. _Sorry for standing by Touma's side, sorry for being his toy, sorry for letting him play with my body and my mind, sorry for being a burden, sorry for being still alive, sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry I don't want you to hate me Yumi-chan I'm sorry so sorry I'm really-really sorry-_  
No word can't stop the soft pleading of Tsurugi's apologizes, no kiss can wash away the stains of the devil, he feels powerless and useless staring at the brutalities on his lover's body. He's never seen anything more brittle than Tsurugi's heart, a golden falling star devoured by a black hole. His hands try to grasp the darkness but it's thick and greasy like petrol, the more he steps forward the deeper he's engulfed -but still he fights, because he cares too much and he's furious and he doesn't want to let go of Tsurugi even when the black haired male pushes him away.  
  
_There were awful moments when his rage couldn't take shape into words, but simply cut his flesh in tight white fists._  
_Arching the back like a cat, Tsurugi backed away with a blank expression and showed the scars tracing his porcelain skin. “I think Yumi-chan is really unlucky because he fell for someone like me.” He said those times, voice muffled by the fabric of his shirt as he pulled it off his shoulders. “I'm really so-”_  
_There were awful moments when he acted more like a stray animal and he let instinct to guide him._  
“ _Shut the fuck up!”_  
_In a shaking breath Yumikage's arms captured the fragile figure of Tsurugi and held him with all his strength, pressing his lips against the pinky scar crossing the other's shoulder blade. Again and again, he kissed each one of those scars trying to impress his scent on Tsurugi's body, ignoring the other's whimpers._  
_There were awful moments when Yumikage cried, knelt in front of Tsurugi and with their hands tightened in the saddest of the embraces._  
  
“Yumi-chan, make me a promise.” Tsurugi's voice has never sounded so serious. He lays on his left side, back to the window so that the reddish-yellow lights of the sunset cast rectangled pools of lights on his black frame. The contrast of colours makes him look evanescent and Yumikage fears for an instant he will see Tsurugi vanishing in that light; his hands instinctively reach for Tsurugi's and almost feels reassured when the scarred skin of his mate is vivid, real and cold as usual under his grip. “When I'll hear the bells again, _please_ , wake me up. No matter the cost.”  
It wouldn't sound as a weird request since Yumikage was in charge of Tsurugi's actions in battle, the guardian of the C3's Ace. Tsurugi is perfectly aware of this but the way he speaks, the way he lets out his plea set off an alarm in the blond man.  
_No matter the cost_ , he said.  
Yumikage has always suspected Tsurugi knew more than anyone else what was his role, his purpose in life, the reason why he kept following Touma's orders even when it's an obvious dangerous trap. He brushed it off with that reckless smile of his, the one of a big brother reassuring his younger siblings he would protect them at any cost. And so Yumikage realized that the one among them trying to protect the other was Tsurugi -he would always, always offer himself in sacrifice to preserve his friends' happiness and still he was paying the guilt of leaving Jun's wife dying. No matter how much he cared for him and tried to make him live a kind of normal life -though no one of them has ever known the meaning of _normal life_ -, he wouldn't ever be able to cease Tsurugi's suffering.  
“I will.” He whispers in the end, dragging Kamiya in a soft hug. He hasn't vanished from his hands, yet. He can feel Tsurugi's warm breath against his neck, his lips tracing his collarbone and his lithe fingers slipping under his shirt. Back to their normal dark nights.  
And the next morning he will wake him up.  
  
_Jun was right. Yumikage Tsukimitsu is the kind of man who is afraid of missing important pieces of his life, even the saddest ones. He needs his memories clean and neat like the folds of the paper airplane, untouched on his nightstand. He doesn't want to regret something, again, because it won't stir anything good but the ancient burning rage... And a voice in his mind whispers he reached his own limit, he can't keep up with all the chaos for too long._  
_But now, looking his friends fighting to death, looking Tsurugi loosing control and acting like Yumi and Jun are mere obstacles in Touma's plan, Yumikage feels almost nostalgic._  
_He wants it all back. The sweet moments, the smiles, the paper airplane, the dark nights, the cries, the yells, everything. The best and the worst moments, he misses them, he needs them, he wants to get back to that “When I'll hear the bells again, please, wake me up” and freeze the time forever._  
  
“I'm gonna fucking wake you up. At any fucking cost.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfiction I post in the Servamp fandom, even tho this story was started almost a year ago and I decided to wipe the dust off it and post it just today. I know the C3 arc is almost coming to an end, so you can imagine this story as something set before/between it. Uh and hope you don't mind the hint of YumiTsuru, I simply like this ship -though mostly I love the C3 trio and I want them to be happy and they should stop to make me cry.  
> Thank you everyone who read this story and thank you in advance for whoever would like to leave comments/kudos.  
> See you in the next story!


End file.
